so this is what it feels like to lose a friend.

when i checked my email last night, there was a message from someone i didn't know.  the subject was Sad News.  and the first line said that my friend thom died tuesday in a car accident in zambia, where he was visiting his daughter holly.

i had to read it about four times to understand the words.  the roar in my ears, the noise in my head...that still hasn't stopped.

i met thom over two years ago when i started working in paris.  he was a copywriter at our company...although as a friend of the founder, he was more like a fixture.  he traveled the world writing for us, and when he dropped through paris, he'd hang out in the office, we'd have coffee.  the last time we talked, 10 days ago at the holiday party in baltimore, the subject was buenos aires.  several us were planning a work/play trip in february, and when thom said he'd come along, i knew it would be a lot more play than work.  this man, twice my age, knew how to have more (and better) fun than almost anyone else i know.

he had his priorities straight too: kids first (he had four; he adored them), friends second (which seemed to be basically everyone he'd ever met), and music a close third.  thom was a great blues guitarist, not a bad singer...and an incredible entertainer.  at work-related conferences and meetings, around five or so, the laptops would go away...and the guitars would come out, thom playing lead.  we'd sit around with glasses of wine, singing along until way past bedtime.  on a visit to paris in october, thom told me that if i bought a guitar in the new year, he'd teach me to play.

i can't imagine buenos aires or sing-alongs or endless work conferences without thom.  i can't imagine a world without thom, period.  someone so full of life should be living.  the fact that he's not will never make any damn sense.